The Onsen

Embarrassing photo.

At my behest, Sachi`s mom called up all the relatives and planned a weekend stay at the Onsen. It was about a 45 minute drive. We picked up Grandma and headed there around 7:00 PM.


In the room, everyone took off their shoes and slipped into the provided slippers. I had to go without; I looked retarded trying to cram my size 13 feet into what were maybe a size 9, max.


We did the hokey pokey and walked downstairs to eat dinner. On our way I discovered 2 dead bugs; one on the light and one on the floor--fairly close to each other. Double suicide?

Dinner was beautiful. I had the steamed eel. Sachi's mom and aunt had beer with me. Real women.


Before the main course came, we destroyed this gorgeously displayed sashimi.


When we got back, the room had been set for sleeping. No floor peeked out from underneath the soft, airy comforters begging for our attention. Not yet.


After donning the appropriate attire, the men left for the baths. We got to the locker room and quickly got the way God made us. Much toilet humor was exchanged. Turns out dick-jokes are a universal language. Since I am actually much more comfortable without the man-made tethers of clothes groping at my delicate skin, I had no problem getting used to the onsen. I only wished God had given me a pouch like marsupials to keep my towel and razor.


Hot water poured and bubbled. A sauna room, a dry-heat room, two jacuzzi's, an indoor bath, and an outdoor one were waiting, and only one patron was relaxing inside. I have never been so relaxed in my life.

I was amazed, as I always am, at the convenience of, and consideration that goes into Japanese products and services. We were provided with everything we needed to clean and groom ourselves, including a disposable toothbrush. I was looking for where the toothpaste was kept when a tiny plastic tube of just the right amount slid out of the package I was holding. Incredible--toothpaste.

My body felt like jelly. All I wanted to do was sleep.


We got to the room, finished a bottle of sake, and fell asleep.

However, before I did fall asleep, I almost died laughing. All was still, the cold wind stopped beating at our window, and Grandma ripped one, then moaned. She slapped her lips together and fell back asleep. That was the night Toshi and I got to know each other a little better.


In the morning, Yoshiki, Toshiyuki, and I played two rounds of putter golf.


My worst hole was a deca-quintuple bogey. It was a par 4. You do the math.


Yoshiki kicked both of our asses, but Toshi had a knack for miraculous shots.





After that we went to Sachi's Uncle's house to eat Nabe.


We stopped by a candy store and bought some fake dookie and toy airplanes.









The airplanes broke and the fun was over.




We can thank Dirty Hermaphro-Japanozz Christ for these blessings and good times we had.